you’re better… ish
All the inflammation is gone, baby. Your body looks super healthy and happy. Your nose is a little runny, but with big A bringing home a new cold from daycare every week, it’s old news. You take it like a champ.
Your mornings are getting crazy though. You keep waking up crying. I’ve been cool with the 4 AM start to the day, but you have been inconsolable. You are asking for everything, scream crying if I say no, and full on throwing tantrums on the floor… and on my body. You climb me like I’m a table and pull on me when you want something. You don’t want to separate from me and everything triggers you to cry.
I think all of this is related to the boob. You’ve been relying so much on boob for comfort and it’s throwing off your ability to self-soothe. It’s also making you super attached to me, super sensitive. I told you a few weeks ago that when you turn 18 months old (in about two weeks), I’m not giving you boob for nap anymore. And then when you turn two, no more for bedtime or wake ups. Plans are changing.
For the next four weeks, I’m weaning you off one boob session. Tomorrow we start with the morning session. No matter what time you wake up tomorrow, we are starting off the day in full force. I will be dressed, teeth brushed, ready for you with a glass of water. No more boob.
I’m sorry.
I regret not listening to you when you basically self-weaned at 8/9 months. You were super into solids and disinterested in the boob. Instead of following your lead, I listened to the advice that boob until two was the best way to go. That babies who “seem to self-wean” at 8/9 months aren’t actually “self-weaning,” but rather just so interested in and distracted by the boob. I worried you wouldn’t get enough of all the good stuff breastmilk would give you, and so I basically forced it on you. Gave you boob even though you weren’t really interested, gave it to you when you cried, etc. After a few weeks you were full force back on it. Here we are.
On the other hand, I’m so glad we’re here. Breastfeeding. I’ve been so glad to give you boob when you’ve been upset, sad, in pain, sick, or just didn’t want to eat what I cooked that day. Some days I am so grateful that even though you didn’t eat, you still got some sustenance from me. It’s ending now only because it doesn’t work for us anymore. It’s impacting your ability to self-soothe, and allllllll of the other stuff is affecting me.
These next few weeks are going to be an interesting journey. I’m here for it though, here for you, here for your feelings about it.