navigating illness without meds
Today was a rollercoaster of a day. I think it was one of the hardest I’ve ever had. Seeing you and your parts in pain - I was distressed. Especially since I have no idea what it feels like and have not ever experienced something like it.
I always try to be calm with you instead of frantic and shouty. Today I was bugging out. Albeit in a calm (?) way. I kept asking Dada what he thought we should do. I kept scrolling the internet, calling WP, going to the kitchen to find something to eat (stress eat), wishing someone would come help me. I got no relief. I had to sit with the discomfort that you were uncomfortable, and later on in the night I realized maybe that’s what I needed to model for you. How to be uncomfortable and sit with it.
I was scared every time I changed your diaper today and was almost hoping you wouldn’t pee/poop at all so I wouldn’t have to. You took a very short second nap, so I put you on the boob and watched Prison Break (they just framed Tancredi’s suicide!) with Dada and we chilled like that for an hour. We had ordered Chipotle during your nap and were hoping you’d take your usual two hours (I think the morning surprise nap messed that up) so we couldn’t eat while you were napping in bed with us. Dada wouldn’t let us eat because he was afraid we’d wake you up. After an hour, I convinced him to. And… you woke up. I let you try some of my chicken and you spit it out, clawing at your mouth because it was spicy. Oops. Dinner was a ton of hummus (and a little tofu and peas).
Bath time wasn’t so bad today. We came home after you walked your scooter for a half an hour, and although you cried a little when I picked you up for the bath, once I put you down in the bath you were swimmmmming. Your privates didn’t seem to hurt so much, although I saw a little bit of discharge on your diaper. You played for a half an hour, I cleaned you up, and when I got you dried up and dressed, you were a little sensitive, but MUCH better from the morning.
I’m still anxious though. All the things on the internet tell me to give you antibiotics / anti fungal cream. I just don’t want to flush out your gut flora or put creams with god knows what in them on you! I feel in my heart your body will clear up the infection/inflammation in its own. WP fed you a pear today to cool your body down and fed you some of the boiled down juices. It’s only the first day so I don’t want to make any rash decisions about what to do next. If it gets worse, of course I’m going to take you to get emergency care. But just like when you got roseola and I waited out your three day fever with cold towels and lots of sleep and boob, I’m going to wait a couple of days to see if we can let the inflammation run its course. Always a scary decision to stray from everything the internet and forums say, but I know that meds can’t be the only way.
You’re tossing and turning and calling out in your sleep quite a lot. I hope you rest well the rest of the night and I’ll be here for you in the morning baby.